Raising a Spirited Child: Embracing High Energy and Sensitivity

Be very careful with the labels you place on your young child. They hear them, feel them, and carry them forward all the way into adulthood. Therefore, “spirited” doesn’t need to be and shouldn’t be a negative judgment. Rather, it’s an observation by a parent that must inspire a commitment. If your children seem to be “strong-willed,” respect that powerful spirit and be a powerful guide.

Will a spirited child challenge you at times? Of course. All kids do. But again, the key is not to define such a scenario as difficult. It’s an invitation to step up to the plate and nurture instead of control.

Who Is a Strong-Willed Child?

You could focus almost exclusively on your child being stubborn. They’re entitled, bossy, impatient, and can’t bear the thought of being “wrong.” At times, any of that can be true. Then again, the same can be said for any adult. Therefore, with downplaying struggles or over-emphasizing attributes that can be perceived as difficult, let’s consider this perspective:

A spirited child awakens each day with a passionate desire to make the most of the day and will show initiative in making that happen with an abundance of energy. They don’t casually accept norms; their favorite word is “why,” and as a result, they are more likely than others to find new ways of doing things.

You have a natural leader sharing your home, but that doesn’t mean everything is going smoothly. As the parent, you already are the much-needed leader. How, then, can you resist a tug-of-war and find healthy ways to support and mentor your child?

Some Thoughts on Raising a Spirited Child

Establish House Routines Early

A child born into a home with healthy rhythms is more likely to appreciate such structure. Sure, they’ll blanch if they feel restricted at times, but if they see everyone working together (including the parents), they will view house rules with respect. Be a role model and lead by example. This includes owning up to mistakes and holding yourself accountable.

Offer Them Choices

Most people don’t appreciate being ordered around. For a spirited child, this is an invitation to stand their ground. If they’re seeking a little control, give them choices whenever possible. This preempts arguments and fosters mutual respect.

Many Opinions Can Exist Under the Same Roof

Your child’s opinions matter to them. They must be free to disagree, but also understand that they may get overruled. It’s less frustrating if they at least feel validated. Such an approach helps them when it comes to formulating ideas and beliefs. It also prevents you from unconsciously trying to tell them what to think. Most importantly, it teaches the invaluable lesson that people can differ yet still love each other.

Allow Them to Learn For Themselves

When it feels safe to do so, let them have their way. A spirited child learns quickly from their mistakes.

It’s Not About “Winning”

Make it crystal clear to your child that your goal has nothing to do with winning or dominating. You are responsible for their well-being, and you’re making the wisest choices you can. Let them know how much smoother life can be if you work together on this.

You’re Not Alone on This Journey

Any parent of a spirited child may read the above post and laugh out loud. Again, the struggle is real, and you’re not a “bad” parent if you get frustrated. The world doesn’t operate in a black-and-white way. Raising a spirited child is a gift that can also feel like a burden at times. If that rings a bell, child therapy might be an excellent option, and I invite you to reach out and learn more.