A parent sitting with an upset child trying to provide emotional regulation but appearing upset

Emotional Regulation: A guide to Parenting a Child with Intense Emotions with 6 actionable tips

Parenting comes with its unique set of joys and challenges, especially when raising a child with intense emotions. Children with heightened emotional experiences can often struggle with behavioral problems, anxiety, and even depression. Understanding the intricacies of emotional regulation and applying supportive parenting techniques can make a world of difference.

What is Emotional Regulation?

At its core, emotional regulation refers to the ability to effectively manage and respond to emotional experiences. It’s like adjusting the volume knob on a radio. Just as one might tune the volume to avoid it being too loud or too soft, emotional regulation is about finding that ‘just right’ emotional intensity in various situations.

Nature and Nurture: Why Some Children Struggle with Emotional Regulation

Both genetic (nature) and environmental (nurture) factors play a significant role in a child’s emotional makeup.

Nature (Genetic Factors): Some children are born with a more sensitive temperament, predisposing them to stronger emotional reactions. This sensitivity can be seen as a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they might experience emotions like joy and excitement more intensely than their peers. On the other, they might feel sadness, frustration, or anxiety with greater intensity.

Nurture (Environmental Factors): An invalidating environment, where a child’s feelings are consistently dismissed or misunderstood, can significantly impact their emotional development. For instance, consistently telling a child they shouldn’t feel a certain way or punishing them for expressing their emotions can hinder their ability to regulate feelings effectively.

Parent sitting with happy child reading a book demonstrating good emotional regulation

Tips for Parents to Support Emotional Regulation in Their Child

Validation: The foundation of Dr. Marsha Linehan’s DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is the importance of validation. Recognize and acknowledge your child’s feelings without judgment. This simple act can help a child feel understood and supported.

Whole Brain Child Approach: Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s “Whole Brain Child” strategy emphasizes integrating different parts of the brain for emotional balance. Use age-appropriate explanations to help children understand their feelings. For younger children, play therapy can be especially effective in exploring emotions.

Teach Coping Strategies: Guiding children in deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or even simple distractions can help in the moment. Over time, these tools can aid children in managing their emotions autonomously.

Set Boundaries with Empathy: While it’s important to validate emotions, inappropriate behaviors should still be addressed. Approach such situations with empathy. For example, “I understand you’re upset because we can’t go to the park today. It’s okay to feel disappointed. However, it’s not okay to throw toys.”

Be a Role Model: Children often mimic adult behavior. Demonstrating effective emotional regulation in your own life can serve as a powerful example for your child.

Seek Support: Whether it’s child counseling, teen counseling, or resources like books and workshops, make use of available aids. It’s okay to seek assistance when navigating this challenging journey.

When to Consider Counseling for Your Child or Teen

While all children will experience emotional ups and downs, some may benefit from professional support, especially if:

  • Emotional outbursts become more frequent or intense.
  • They express feelings of hopelessness, intense fear, or sadness regularly.
  • Their behavior interferes with school, friendships, or family life.
  • You notice withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities or significant changes in sleeping and eating patterns.

Child counseling or teen counseling can provide tailored strategies for emotional regulation. Play therapy, in particular, offers children a safe environment to explore and express their emotions, often leading to insightful revelations and healing.


Parenting a child with intense emotions requires patience, understanding, and effective tools for guidance. By understanding the dance of nature and nurture, validating their feelings, and seeking support when needed, you can foster a nurturing environment for your child’s emotional well-being.

As challenges arise, it’s okay to seek professional guidance. At Katy Counseling, we offer resources and support to ensure both parents and children find the balance and harmony they seek.

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